With T-minus less than a week until the trip of a lifetime, I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety. Mostly because I am in no shape to quite figure out what the hell I'm doing.
I like to set goals for myself more than I need to, but I do have one for this trip.
Try to love myself at least a little bit.
I mean, this shouldn't be so bad considering I'm pretty awesome, right? (Do you see what I just did there? I'm already starting)
But really, it'd be nice if I came back a whole being and not a psychotic guarded crazy.
And I just want to finally take an opportunity in which I can gallivant to places I've always wanted to see and not work and completely isolate myself from the American lifestyle.
So, taking every opportunity to see and do new things and to learn how to love myself in the process. It's a sort of daunting task, but I think it will be okay.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
It seems as if I've been ignoring energy...
... for most of my life. I never really thought about how it is converted into ourselves.
Or perhaps lately I've been opened up to a very earthy type of understanding. I carried my first (well, in adulthood) pocket rock today. It may sound like some crazy wacko hippie thing to do, but I've been pretty interested in the ideas of the 'rock nation' as of late. I've always had an affinity for such things that have been carried over since before my time, and the philosophies I've heard thus far entertain my needs for roots and grounding.
Not only that, but also a sort of understanding of what it should mean to take care of myself. That, perhaps, the 'requirements' of society are not healthy. Saying "no" shouldn't be social, educational, or career suicide. I only have one body and mind to take care of, why shouldn't it be respected when I am in touch enough with them to know when I can't take it anymore?
And I'm approaching that line and it's painful. It's not just a constant bickering showdown in my head, but has manifested itself in some panicking chest pain and ungodly tiredness.
Unfortunately, I should have seen this coming. There's a definite need in my life, right now, to let go of the unseen stressors and attempt relaxing in order to pick myself back up again.
Or perhaps lately I've been opened up to a very earthy type of understanding. I carried my first (well, in adulthood) pocket rock today. It may sound like some crazy wacko hippie thing to do, but I've been pretty interested in the ideas of the 'rock nation' as of late. I've always had an affinity for such things that have been carried over since before my time, and the philosophies I've heard thus far entertain my needs for roots and grounding.
Not only that, but also a sort of understanding of what it should mean to take care of myself. That, perhaps, the 'requirements' of society are not healthy. Saying "no" shouldn't be social, educational, or career suicide. I only have one body and mind to take care of, why shouldn't it be respected when I am in touch enough with them to know when I can't take it anymore?
And I'm approaching that line and it's painful. It's not just a constant bickering showdown in my head, but has manifested itself in some panicking chest pain and ungodly tiredness.
Unfortunately, I should have seen this coming. There's a definite need in my life, right now, to let go of the unseen stressors and attempt relaxing in order to pick myself back up again.
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